Why People May Think Introverts Are Rude Or Arrogant

If you ask someone what they consider rude or arrogant behavior, you get a never-ending variation of responses. The person is ignoring them, they curse, are wearing their hat in a certain way, take forever to order when it’s their turn in a busy line, they sneeze without covering their face, they don’t contribute to group conversations, they chew loudly, they cut people off in traffic – the list could go on forever. It’s all open to interpretation, so it’s hard to say for sure why introverts might be seen as rude or arrogant. But we can try to explain or find out why by matching common introverted behaviors and how they can be misread as rude or arrogant.

Let’s consider a basic scenario an introvert could go through. There’s a social event happening, they might have agreed to attend, but at the time they were feeling more confident in themselves and energized. A week or so passes by and the day of the event arrives. The introvert doesn’t feel up to socializing that day. They actually could barely muster up the energy to go to work that day and shoulder through their normal routine. The introvert is left with a choice. To attend the event as promised, or surrender to themselves and decide against it – preferring to head home and recuperate.

The introvert could come off as rude if they ultimately decided not to attend. They might even feel ashamed or guilty and find themselves unable to pass on the update to the host or whoever might be expecting them there. It may seem obvious what’s right or wrong in that situation, but what arguably matters more is what is stopping people from making the moral decision.

Introverts don’t change their mind abruptly because they’re arrogant and want to waste anyone’s time. They could be wrestling with what’s best for them personally and what’s publicly expected and results in “fitting in” or more importantly, not standing out. There are a variety of other ways that introverts might be misunderstood and judged for it.

Not Having Much to Say

Sometimes you don’t feel like talking, sometimes you just can’t think of anything to say, and a lot of the time, you feel like it’s just right and feels good to not say anything and simply listen.

Many introverted personality types enjoy and feel at ease being included in a conversation or interaction, but not being the ones actively running them. You might think it’s a little awkward or rude of them to not participate, but introverts are often highly introspective. They can get lost in their own thoughts and appear disconnected from what’s around them – but really they’re just reflecting on what’s being said and taking the time to formulate a response.

Related: The 4 Types of Introverts That Exist

The idea that an introvert is being rude or arrogant for staying quiet is an unfair one. Everyone has a different personality and way of conversing. Some people are more soft-spoken, others have a lot to say and don’t hesitate before sharing it. It all depends on the people you know and what they’re comfortable with.

Being Selective About Friends

A recognized commonality among introverts is the way they make and maintain relationships. While non-introverts might have a large social group made up of people they know very well, not so well, and acquaintances – introverts may prefer to get to know certain people that they get to know and have a sense that they’ll be able to really connect with.

That naturally can take longer and it can seem like introverts practice favoritism with a select number of people they let into their personal life. Since that group is made up of people an introvert feels close to, they also may act differently or “authentically” when with them.

Introverts don’t mean to favor people. They crave meaningful connections and to establish that kind of relationship typically takes time and effort. It might even take longer for an introvert to get really close to someone because they socialize intermittently and/or don’t often initiate interaction.

If you want to be friends with someone who seems more introverted, try making the first move and taking the time to actually get to know them. Don’t be afraid to plan another meeting or express your want to hang out with them. It’s easy for an introvert to be hesitant or question themselves when it comes to taking the next step in a relationship. They might talk themselves out of it or just settle for the occasional interaction. Be a meaningful connection from the start by recognizing that they need a little help to get things going, especially at the beginning.

Making The Opposite Choice

In the United States, being friendly and approachable is considered a positive and perhaps even expected to a certain degree. The problem is, being good-natured is often coupled with being outgoing and enjoying social activities. When a holiday or weekend comes up, the questions that arise are usually around what you plan to do with your time and many might assume that you’ll be doing some kind of social activity or an adventurous excursion of some kind.

For an introvert, their vacation or adventure might just be spending their time in a different room than they usually do in their home. So when they get asked what they plan to do or what they prefer to do with their free time. If they answer honestly, it might not be what most people expect. They could be looking forward to watching a movie alone with food rather than outdoors at a barbecue, or at a dinner party. If they’re taking a trip, it could be a solo one or consciously choose to stay in town if it’s during the travel season since they don’t want to be in the middle of crowds.

Just because introverts have different preferences and choices that they make, doesn’t mean they’re any less friendly. It’s also never black and white. An introvert might feel like attending a get-together or going out with friends, it just depends on how they’re feeling and their inclination at that moment.




Subscribe to our newsletter for weekly updates on the latest content for introverts.




The following two tabs change content below.

Antoinette Maven

"Antony" Maven is a contributing writer for SimpleHermit.com and identifies as an INFP. She loves to hike with her dog, write poetry, find hidden gems in her small town, and read her nights away.