Can You Be a Shy Extrovert?

When you think of someone shy you’re probably imagining a quiet and unsociable person. They could be the one in the corner of the room that doesn’t say much, or someone that puts you off because they don’t seem as approachable or friendly. These are all assumptions of shy behavior and those appearing to be shy. Just because they’re quieter, doesn’t mean that they aren’t an outgoing person in their own way.

Shy extroverts can be described as a group that still enjoys socializing, but might feel hesitant to make the first move or be in the spotlight. That still makes them more extroverted, since they draw energy by being around others and in social settings, it’s just that they can come off as timid and are mistaken as really introverted and/or loner-like.

So the answer is yes. You can be both shy and an extrovert and that’s a real thing. Here are some of the signs that could mean that you fit in this personality group.

You’re Afraid of Socializing But Need It

A shy extrovert loves the company of others, but they often find themselves in an internal struggle because once they actually are in a social situation, they chicken out or become intimidated. It’s like your extroverted instincts and your shy tendencies are playing tug a war and it’s never guaranteed who will win.

That’s to be expected and you can definitely overcome it. Find confidence by listening to others and focusing on what you offer them. You can contribute to a conversation or be there without dominating a room and any worries you have are probably less likely than you think. Don’t overthink your decisions and let fear control you. You could miss out on connecting with others and develop an unhealthy pattern of doubting yourself and encouraging social anxiety.

You Don’t Mind The Silence

Extroverts are social beings, so they tend to be communicating or interacting in some way when they’re with others. Shy extroverts don’t necessarily need to be doing anything when they’re hanging out with you. They’re the types to be comfortable during quiet study dates in a library or taking their time responding to a question.

Instead of short conversations, shy extroverts tend to have deeper talks that naturally take longer and seem less like small talk. This could include some pondering time for anyone involved in the discussion (like an “awkward” silence) and that’s no problem for shy extros.

You’re Shy But Your Friends Don’t Know

If your shy side flies away when you’re around people you’re comfortable with (like friends or family), then you’re a shy extrovert that has everyone fooled. Think of the friend that someone else says is shy and you look at them like they’re crazy. That’s your shy extrovert. You probably have lots to say even though you get shy from time to time around unfamiliars, but you actually say it around people you know and trust.

It could also just take a bit of time for you to loosen up. Once you’ve been at a party or another event for a few minutes and gotten to know the space a bit and who you know or don’t know, you’ll likely find yourself naturally socializing or feeling more at ease. Our minds might react in a dramatic way at first when dealing with something new. But, give yourself the chance to breathe and time to take it all in and that reaction won’t be as severe next time.




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Hana Othman

Hana Othman is the founder of SimpleHermit.com and identifies as an INFJ. Most days you can find her typing away or reading a book. Beyond that, she keeps busy as a dog and cat mom.