Why You Want Less Friends Rather Than More

Having a ton of friends may seem to be the natural thing to want, but if you feel differently and are self-conscious about it, don’t worry you aren’t alone! No one person is the same, which means that it’s perfectly acceptable for you to want more or less friends in your life – maybe even none.

According to a survey conducted in the U.S., a person has an average of 16 friends, but that number can be divided into different levels of companionship. When it comes to lifelong connections, only 3 people are counted, then the number increases to 5 for those they’d consider being with one-on-one, finally, the remainder are those they are familiar with but wouldn’t typically spend personal time with.

There might be pressures to have people in your life and appear “popular” but they are unfair expectations that aren’t necessarily beneficial. Having more friends doesn’t guarantee you’ll have a better life or seem impressive. Rather than the quantity, it’s more about the quality of the relationships you do choose to have. If you have a large friend group, but hardly see any of the members it’s not as rewarding as having a few that actually do provide more value by being more involved in your daily life.

If you’re worried about being judged based on how many people you know or the size of your social group, here are some reasons why and strategies for overcoming those insecurities.

You’re Content With Current Friendships

When you’re social calendar is filled up for the next 3 months and you don’t have a moment to feel truly lonely, it makes perfect sense that you don’t need or wish for more relationships in your life. Maybe you don’t feel quite as bad admitting it if you have a decent number of friends, but it’s just as acceptable to have a few or even one friend and still feel that you’re content with that.

You could feel guilty for turning down new opportunities to meet and make connections, but the fact that you still look forward to hanging out with your current friends proves that you are doing what’s best for yourself. You might also feel that you’re overburdened with how often you’re spending time with others and want to cut down on how many people you know and feel compelled to hang out with.

You’ve Graduated Or Aren’t A Student

School is where we have the chance to make a lot of strong relationships in life. You spend a lot of time with people around your age group or those with the same interests as you (like courses for your college degree), which are ideal circumstances for getting to know new people and networking. Many of the people you consider friends in your life were probably from your time in school, whether it be at a younger age during primary or secondary schooling or when you attended college or other educational institutions.

When you’re no longer in school, it can be harder to make those same connections because you’re in a different environment. You’re no longer required to be in the same space for a significant amount of time and naturally interact with the same people. Also, as you get older and pick up certain instinctive social responses, you might be less likely to encourage a relationship and keep to yourself.

The friends that you have managed to make during your time in school could satisfy you once you’ve left that stage of your life behind. Those friends may represent what’s familiar and most fulfilling to you because you have a history with them. You don’t have to start from scratch with anyone new like a stranger because those connections from school are there and retained as you get older.

You’re An Independent Person

If you don’t feel the need to be with people all that often, it doesn’t make you strange; you might just be more independent or enjoy solo activities. There are certainly people out there that feel lonely when they don’t spend time with others, but those who want the opposite also exist and have every right to live that way.

As an independent person, you could feel like your friendships are intruding on your precious time to yourself. Any friends worth having will understand your needs and give you the space you desire. If you understand that healthy balance and mutual understanding, you won’t feel the same pressure from the companions you have.

It’s always better to be honest and express what you want and don’t want. If it’s a relationship meant to last you’ll need to both be flexible enough to accept what’s best for the other person.

You’re Holding Back For A Reason

If you suspect that you’re purposefully sabotaging your chances of making friends, it’s a good idea to face something you need to admit to yourself. Maybe you’re afraid of rejection or have trauma from the past that’s causing you hold back.

You don’t need to force yourself to have friends just to fit in or feel accepted by society, but it’s a different story if you’re limiting yourself for a negative reason. Self-confidence is something that many people struggle with which might factor into your hesitation to socialize normally. Having personal issues with trusting others or feeling insecure about how to conduct yourself in a relationship are other possible reasons that should be confirmed and addressed.

You’re deserving of friendships if you want them in your life. The sooner you resolve any barriers that you put up yourself, the sooner you can feel confident and enjoy all that friendship can offer.

Related: 5 of The Best Places to Meet Fellow Introverts

Your Relationships Feel Shallow

When you aren’t getting what you need out of a relationship, it could eventually feel like it isn’t worth your effort and time to maintain. All relationships ask something of those involved and each relationship is different in terms of what they expect and require. It might be the effort of spending meaningful time together, sharing the same interests, feeling comfortable enough to be open or confide in one another, among other things.

In an age where much of our interpersonal communication is so impersonal, one could end up viewing their relationships as something shallow and without substance. We take shortcuts like texting or checking our social media feeds to catch up rather than meeting one-on-one. If you’re sick of having shallow relationships and think that you’d rather not have friends or less of them, it’s a sign you should examine what you need or expect from a friend and whether those needs are being met first and foremost.




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Antoinette Maven

"Antony" Maven is a contributing writer for SimpleHermit.com and identifies as an INFP. She loves to hike with her dog, write poetry, find hidden gems in her small town, and read her nights away.