How To Keep A Conversation Going As An Introvert

Sometimes we can get tongue-tied, sometimes our minds feel blank and words just won’t come to us, and sometimes, we just don’t enjoy conversations because they make us nervous and we always “mess them up.” It’s normal to feel nervous at times or not feel like talking, or be obligated to wow everyone you speak to. Having a conversation is literally about the give and take. It’s not a one-man or woman show that’s disguised as a chat, it’s just that – a simple interaction that offers as much to you as the person you’re talking to.

People are social beings, which means we instinctively desire and seek out connections with others. Conversing with another person is an act that satisfies that desire. When we start to think of it as something that has to be done right or comes with a lot of pressure, it’s no longer going to give us the same payback as it could. If you’re an introvert, you could be even less talkative or inclined to start conversations than the average joe.

Which is perfectly all right, but it might make life much easier for you if you could initiate a conversation when you felt like it and keep one going if you tend to feel awkward or go quiet before long, ending them prematurely.

Let Go Of The Pressure

How we feel before we engage with others can play into how clear-minded we are and our confidence level. It will make all the difference if you can take a deep breath and try to shift your thoughts away from anything negative that could make you anxious about a conversation.

When you’re talking to someone and there’s a lapse, don’t panic. It’s natural to have a pause when you’re talking and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t interesting enough or failing in some way, it’s a chance to breathe, collect your thoughts, mull over what was said, or just wait for the other person to respond when they’re ready.

If you ever find yourself stressed because you’re not sure what to say, just think about what you would find engaging. Identify the things you have in common or what associates you with the person you’re talking to. Do you work together? Are you attending the same event? Is it a transactional conversation where you need something from them or vice versa?

By knowing what connections you already have with the person you can use it as a helpful base for your discussion. If you weren’t sure what to talk about, start with what makes sense considering the circumstances or environment that you’re in and what you already know about the person.

Body Language is Your Friend

Conversations don’t just involve talking directly at the person without anything else. We communicate in several different ways and when conversing, most of them are nonverbal. If you’re nervous about keeping a conversation going, think about incorporating more nonverbal behaviors or be more aware of the ones you already perform when you’re talking.

We all have them. Whether it be nodding, a small smile, or leaning back in your chair at a certain point, our minds automatically process these behaviors and actively interpret them when talking with someone else.

Related: 5 Of The Best Places to Meet Fellow Introverts

When you’re aware of how you’re body moves and reacts naturally during a conversation, you can increase engagement and even communicate more clearly. They can act as visual confirmations or emphasize what you’re trying to get across to the other person. Your body behavior can also influence the other person to feel more or less at ease. If you look nervous and jumpy, they might get the idea you’re ready to get out there, but if you’re relaxed and fairly calm, they’re more likely to also feel that way and settle into the discussion.

Practice in The Mirror

It’s been said more times than we’d care to count, but it’s a fantastic method that introverts especially can benefit from, time and time again. If you’re worried about how you look, what you’ll say, what is the best thing to do – just try it out alone in a place you feel comfortable where there isn’t anything at stake, especially your pride.

Try talking to yourself in the mirror and use a real situation and what was actually said to get a feeling of how you look and sound. In the moment, you might not be paying attention to your body, or how you say things may come off. Alone and in the silence though, you have every opportunity to catch what may seem like nervous habits or things you want to do less when communicating. That way you’ll feel more confident and sure of how you appear and sound in any scenario you practice.

It doesn’t have to be an entire conversation, but don’t be afraid to spend a little time each day demoing something that’s taken place, an imagined scene, or maybe preparing for an important conversation coming up. It won’t be as scary or difficult to move a conversation forward if you already have strategies you’ve practiced in place and already know what to expect, at least from your side. You can’t plan for everything when another person is involved, but you’d be surprised what a little assurance and practice can do.




Subscribe to our newsletter for weekly updates on the latest content for introverts.




The following two tabs change content below.

Antoinette Maven

"Antony" Maven is a contributing writer for SimpleHermit.com and identifies as an INFP. She loves to hike with her dog, write poetry, find hidden gems in her small town, and read her nights away.