6 Reasons Why You’ll Regret Ghosting Someone

It’s probably happened to all of us at one point, maybe even on several occasions, but that doesn’t mean being ghosted doesn’t hurt, no matter how many times it happens. While it’s a relatively new term that’s been popularized in the last decade or so, the idea of ghosting itself is as ancient as the concept of interpersonal communication, or in other words, when humans (mostly) figured out intelligent discourse was possible.

From a sociological standpoint, people have chosen to ghost others for a couple of interesting reasons. The most common one – as you might expect – is related to the ghoster having struggles with intimacy. Essentially, when they start to feel more vulnerable in a relationship, they withdraw to some degree, whether that be gradual or suddenly cutting off social ties (ergo, ghosting the other person).

Although the ghoster is the one that does the actual ghosting, it’s far more likely for the ghostee to be scrutinized. They might be pitied or made to feel responsible somehow for being shut out, when in reality, it says more about the person who ghosted them. It also proves that the ghoster might have issues that need to be resolved, for the sake of their ability to maintain healthy relationships for any length of time.

They may not be immediately aware of it, but ghosting has a cost for anyone who chooses to do it to others, whether it’s a friend or a significant other; sooner or later they’ll come to realize that there are better ways to end a relationship, for their own personal benefit, along with the other person’s. Take a look below at some of the biggest reasons you’ll regret ghosting someone.

1. You’ll Feel Guilty

The study results are in and it’s official, ghosters end up feeling more guilty than not when they ghost, especially if it’s a chronic habit that they rely on when they want to get out of sticky situations or confrontation.

Unhelpfully, guilt is often underestimated as an emotion. Feeling guilty or ashamed by actions we know are immoral are meant to keep us in check. When they’re ignored, they build up and fester and may persist for years. They could easily jeopardize future relationships and cause deep-rooted stigmas for a ghoster.

2. Word Will Spread

Pre-2000s a ghoster might have been able to get away with repeat offenses with none being the wiser, but unluckily for them, those times have passed. Social media and digitalized mass media as institutions have clearly made remaining inconspicuous difficult – even impossible depending on a person’s luck and how inclined their network and followers are willing to gossip.

That poses a big risk for any ghoster, as the people they do choose to keep around might wonder if they’ll be alienated themselves at some point. Even if it doesn’t cause an issue with their active relationships, it doesn’t mean it won’t be brought back up and cause friction later on in their life. What’s most harmful is the consistent fear and dread hanging over the ghoster that anyone who hasn’t heard about their tendency to ghost, may “find out” and be automatically repelled.

3. You’ll Be Alone

Judging off the behavior and intention to ghost, it may seem contradictive to say that ghosters will dread being alone, but realistically, it’s a very reasonable concern.

Since ghosting is often motivated by a copying mechanism: avoidance of what ghosters perceive to be threats; which is an endless range of possibilities, from fear of being vulnerable in a relationship to negative criticism by colleagues or anxiety related to public exposure and being humiliated or chided somehow – they might temporarily feel relieved or validated in their choice, but pay the price later on when reality sets in and they have to face the consequences of pushing people away.

4. Painful Reminders

In the digital age we live in it’s practically unheard of not to be “on social media” or have some kind of online presence. It wouldn’t be outlandish to say that most people we interact with, new and old, will expect to interact electronically to some extent; whether it be through regular old texting, social media DMs or less directly, like sharing and liking your social media updates.

So it’s safe to say that ghosters might come across some unwelcome and painful reminders when they’re scrolling through their social feeds. You presumably ghosted someone to stop any and all interactions with that person, but that also requires the work of cutting ties digitally; unfollowing them and resisting the urge to “check in” later, since it can be all too easy temptation to give into.

5. You’ll Be Stuck in a Cycle

Even if a ghoster isn’t a repeat offender, it only makes sense to justify continuing to ghost if they’ve already gotten away with it once; incentivizing them to do so again, or at least emboldening them. Most actions we make have subtle repercussions and they often go unnoticed for that reason. But if we ever stopped to identify patterns of behaviors, they become all too evident.

When someone decides to ghost, they mentally create a pathway to that possibility and option. When you have a clear and familiar route to take, you naturally feel more comfortable with taking it, maybe even making it a favorite shortcut or preferred “out” in a relationship you feel worried about ending. The problem of doing so is that you might get stuck in that cycle and have a very difficult time seeing any other way to take.

6. It’ll Come Back to You

In an ironic sense, negative behaviors have a way of being reflected back to the person who instigates them. Inherently, people respond to all they can take in from their five (ahem, sometimes six) senses. Which is a lot, almost overwhelmingly so. Thankfully, some senses are priotirized over others, making it a lot more manageable to analyze the information we sense.

When a ghoster cuts someone off, they’re unconsciously putting out a lot of negative messages for others to pick up on. Even if nothing is actually said, a lot could still be communicated biologically. Others (especially those more naturally perceptive), could respond to those signals and messages by beating the ghoster to the punch and cutting them off first, or anticipating their intentions and never allowing them to establish a deeper connection in the first place.

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Antoinette Maven

"Antony" Maven is a contributing writer for SimpleHermit.com and identifies as an INFP. She loves to hike with her dog, write poetry, find hidden gems in her small town, and read her nights away.